TO all the girls I've lust before. This is not to say there was no chance of love with them, there was and with some I was confused such that I began obsessing thinking I was in love. However in this life I believe I only truly ever loved two women and had only four girlfriends. A very modest number I know but my sexual escapades are everything but modest.
I have gained some enlightenment from all these girls I've had the pleasure of fooling around with in my wicked days.
For one they all were in relationships I wasn't a part of. Interesting enough some of them tried to conceal that fact while others used it to stress their autonomy. It was my impression that for those whom I was privy to the details of their involvement, the strings were definitely unattached but as I would later discover I couldn't be more wrong.
I'm reminded of Mbali, a girl I met in an elevator going up to my room at Argon (A South Point building I stayed in). Mbali was a name I requested to give to her when I saw how beautiful she was. As I walked in the lift I asked the person by the buttons to press 5 for me and he did. I turned to greet everyone and there she was at the corner effortlessly looking pretty. I offered her a special greeting and asked for her name. While she was about to reply I stopped her and asked if I could take a guess, and she acquiesced. I started; "your name must be Mbali because you my dear are as beautiful as a budding rose in a summers morning. Even if it is not I would love to call you that because that's what I see when I look at your pretty face". Silent murmurs could be heard from everyone I couldn't see at that moment. The only person I could see, the rose herself just gave a smile and said "but that's not my name. Anyway you can call me that if you'd like"
She always said she liked me for my forwardness and liked that I was always smiling. She hoped it could rub into her. Well something did "rub into her" but it wasn't my smile.
She stayed in the room directly above mine just one floor up. I discovered that after walking her the first time. I didn't even take her phone number. One quiet Wednesday night I climbed up my window and called out "Mbali!" She came out her window and asked if I was crazy. (If she had to ask then my actions weren't conclusive. )I asked if I could see her. She said she was watching a movie and invited me to join her. (If you've been to varsity then you know what "watching a movie" or a series is code for. My unpreparedness after such was amateurish in nature.
I ran up quick and knocked on her door. She invited me in without coming out of her bed. I sat on the bed and slowly lay down next to her as the movie played. I waited for an opportune moment as we spoke to reach for a kiss. The situation was tense. Maybe just for me because my mind was neither on the movie nor the first conversation between me and this KZN beauty who claims to be Xhosa. I was afraid to even make any sudden motions lest the bird flies off. Every gesture I made was calculated, even my breathing was paced.
I put my one hand on her knee under the blanket, she didn't react. I rubbed her knee. My heart beat lost control. It's now beating too fast I'm afraid she'll notice my chest pumping up and down. Her thighs are so soft I can't stop myself. I'm past the knee now rubbing her inner thigh; she starts matching my breathing. Only she doesn't seem to be trying to control hers. I look to her face to see her eyes closed; head tilted up and she's biting her lower lip. She opens her eyes to find me looking at her. She reaches for the back of my neck, pulls my head and starts kissing me wildly. This is a different person, I think to myself.
My hand has made it to the promised land on rainy season. I reach for the peach and it's ripe. The juices lubricate my fingers. I rub on the peach while she grinds rhythmically like a dirty dancer. She moans and groans to my pleasure. Such noises can not be resisted by my nature. Thus the swelling in my pants had reached proportions above its stretching capabilities. Logic dictates in such cases that if the pants fail to accommodate, they must come off. But as the guy code dictates, hers before his.
She feels on my hard member and motions it to the wetlands. I freeze. I didn't bring protection. I ask if she has any she looks dumbfounded as she replies no. As if I'm stupid to expect that she would keep one. I ask her to stay put while I run down to my room to get one. I run past twelve rooms to get to the steps. I run down the steps jumping two or three at a time. I get to my floor and run past another twelve rooms. I get to my room, open the shelve and get three wrappers and run back. On my way out some guy calls me out to talk I tell him can't talk, in a rush. I jump up the stairs and reach the girls floor. Would look weird running now so I walk fast. Get to her room, give a single knock and let myself in without expecting an invitation.
She's still lying on the bed in the same position I left her in. She still has the same "ready" look. I climb to the bed to hide that my swell is gone. Shame. I put the wrappers on the table and start kissing her. She wraps her arms and legs around me and squeezes tightly. I feel her passion. I kiss her neck, collar bone and move down to her twins. I have one on the hand rubbing the dot, another I'm suckling like a black juicy grape. She reacts. I'm still limp so I try to distract her by kissing her down her belly. I'm licking her naval for that ticklish sensation. I'm now kissing on her pelvic region when fumes from the now hot, wetlands force me to reconsider my direction. So I moved back up to kiss her on the mouth. I'm still not hard! She gives me a "WTF" look. I bow in shame. Foolish!
She said she was "watching a movie" for crying out loud! Am I that stupid that I can't take a hint? Why didn't I think then to bring a wrapper? I know. I was afraid I'd jinx my chances. So lame. I lay next to her. She inquires if all is well. 'I don't know' I say. She tells me to relax, it's okay. Surprisingly enough I do while thinking to myself "she really is okay this one. She's experienced, that smell down there says it all".
I ask for a glass of water she gets up to get it from the fridge, nude. She brings it to me and picks up her underwear to put on. She looked so sexy walking to and from the fridge. Getting water naked giving me a chance to get a good look at her glorious voluptuous figure. That flat tummy, perky breasts and full hips. I could feel the rise of my member from under the blanket and wasted no time on drinking water.
I pulled her to the bed. Place the glass on the table spread her open like a chicken dust on a braaistand. I bothered to check for wetness and was overjoyed to discover we were still green. I put on the raincoat and went in to the wetlands to do the dirty dance.
A feeling of victory overcame me. I had recovered from a shameful moment and put up a good performance. I never went back to my room that night.
Everynight from then on was spent in either my room or hers. We both had roommates but hers was hardly ever in. She always spent the night at her guy's place. Mine was a guy, he had to understand. I'd probably do the same for him. We both had relationships, mine she knew, hers I suspected. She never told me about hers, she only told me about mine. She would see me walking in and out the building with a hot light skinned girl only during the day. I admitted that she saw my girlfriend. I asked if she had a boyfriend and she said we couldn't discuss that. I took it as a yes and moved on. I saw her with him once and things changed. I started feeling possessive of her. I would feel weak if I go to her room and she wasn't there. On weekends especially it seemed she never slept in her room. When I asked she would say "I spend most weekends at my sister's in Cresta". A white lie. One Friday night I heard she was in her room so I went up without saying. I found the same guy I always see her with sitting on the bed. She greeted me casually and said she was coming. I waited outside, she came and we went down to my floor to sit and talk.
It was a passionate moment we shared while listening to Judy Boucher singing "can't be with you tonight" on my phone. The lyrics speaking to both our situations that night and all other times our 'other' was around. From that night we spent all weeknights together even cooking together sometimes. We grew close but it lasted only for that whole year. When school closed none bothered to look for the other. She was at Wits and I was at UJ. We never exchanged phone numbers.
Happy times we had shared. John Legend's "Everybody knows" was our special sing song! We'd sing along to that at the top of our lungs to the dismay of all occupants of Argon and neighbouring buildings.
Next was a sweet hot and feisty art student from Wits. A wild Neo-Sexual female, a firebomb with a character like my own at the time. Pretty, smart and quick. Her name shall remain hidden in plain sight. Our encounter was unorthodox. She had asked about me from my friends while I was out at my girlfriend's. Upon my return I was told of this hot pursuer who fancied a chat with me. We went up to her room and found nobody was there. We followed the noise and found her and her friends drinking at the rooftop of the building where they were having a party. I went up to her and said "hi" and without saying a word she grabbed me by the hand and ran with me to my room. Threw me on the bed and started kissing me.
To Be Continued...
Sunday, November 29, 2015
Thursday, November 26, 2015
Apology
It is with sadness that I write this. It is said that in life we get thrown many battles and that in all these battles, we always have the choice to engage or disengage. I find myself in this situation because at some point in time while faced with one extremely important responsibility that only required me to stay present and keep watch, I absconded for a role in an old battle I felt needed my urgent attention. In this day, exactly four years after my daughter was born; four years after I first felt like I had a role in this universe; four years after I felt more importat as a person; four years after I started to look beyond the "I"; four years after I started to look at the world and wonder what contribution have I made to deserve such a beautiful and complete gift; four years after I felt indebted to my community, my blackness and my country; four years after asking myself what name I would like my daughter and others after her to inherit as my children; four years since the birth of my daughter I wonder if all these sacrifices were worth it.
The happiness I felt after seeing and holding my daughter for the first time immidiately after she came out of her mom was beyond me. A supernatural experiece that got me questioning my self worth. To have such an amazing bundle of joy to love and to care for; to have impregnated and borne a child with such a treasure of a person, a beautiful girl with all the qualities of a loving mother; wisdom, kindness and passion. A caring heart, an extremely attractive apperence and the self-restraint of an angel. A great hand I was dealt, but I doubted if I deserved it yet.
A sacrifice it was that brought this family of mine great pain.
In my quest to find or give meaning to my life and make myself worthy of such great gifts from above, I had decided three years ago to make a small difference in a community that raised me. I had decided I was going to make a name for myself in this community so that when my daughter explains whose child she is she would ge received with warm hands and told great things about her father. I decided that the little I have to offer would become the difference I have to make and then I could go back to enjoy my divine gift without qualms.
I came to msogwaba uncertain of what it is I could offer this community with merely an undergraute degree in humanities, a willingness to serve and a mission to make myself worthy of God's greatest favours. I approached local schools for an opportunities to obeserve the learners, I watched them after school as they hung around the streets with nothing to do. I was given an opportunity to speak to the troublesome ones and offer them advice and a chance to be listened to. Kids raised by single parents and others by grandparents. Fathers away to work or just away period. Some fathers have abondoned their kids and now have new families and want nothing to do with this child. Other fathers demanded a no contact relationship with their kids and only offer financial support. It is even more sad for those kids who know who their father is even though he would have nothing to do with them. Others lost their fathers through death and single mothers now struggle to make ends meet. Others are just kids in a community that does not care about the young, no activities,no sports facilities, no play arears and no parks
It was then that I decided Chess would be a great contribution to these kids lives. chess would teach them the importance of following and understanding rules, it would teach them responsibilities and most importantly to think...Just to think! This is crucial in the building of a person's character.
A year after I started teaching them they have already become provincial champions in teams and individual events; they have participated in National Chess Championships on several occassions. As I write this, one of them is due to play in the most prestigious Chess event in the country, that is the SA Closed Championship in Cape Town ; two of them have been invited to play in the SA Junior Closed, a rarity in this region; seven of them have been selected to play at the SA Junior Chess Championships representing their regional age group teams in the top boards. Hundreds of them have now participated in Chess tournaments and even more of them now know how to play Chess. Amazingly, some of the kids I taught in primary are now in high school coaching their own teams continuing to spread Chess throughout the communities.
I have represented their interest in the local federation with great help from other colleagues just so they could have equal opportunities. I did all of this without ever asking anyone for financial remuneration. For three years I have sacrificed my daughters precious time with her daddy just so I could contribute to the development of a community; just so I could help a child of another have a vision, a dream and perhaps a brighter tomorrow.
It may not be enough to change the world, it may not be enough to change a whole community but im sure it was enough to change a few lives. I have a daughter to get back to now. If she was sleeping all along not realising daddy's away, she is close to awakening and I would like it if she sees me as she opens her eyes.
Her mom, my beautiful angel. My love. I know I have wronged you my dear, I realise how much I have made you suffer the consequences of my illogical decisions. I have hurt you. I have betrayed you. I have humiliated you to your friends and peers. I have embarrassed you in your family's eyes. I have hurt you in your heart and in your mind. I am so sorry. Please forgive me.
I love you. I have always loved you. I swear to you that I have never loved another since meeting you. I will always love you and our daughter. I know how many empty promises I have made to you my love, but always know that they always came from a place of hope. Everything I promised was everything I had hoped to be and do for us.
This is to say I hope I have done enough. It is time now I become a family man. Not a man of the society but a private citizen with personal aspirations. I cannot keep my daughter waiting any longer. I believe now that I am worthy of all the good that awaits
me in this world. I have cleaned my hands and my name as my plate and I am ready to receive dear God. My heart is pure and my head is clear.
This is my rebirth. My daughter and I are now born on the same day. Happy fourth birthday my sunshine
The happiness I felt after seeing and holding my daughter for the first time immidiately after she came out of her mom was beyond me. A supernatural experiece that got me questioning my self worth. To have such an amazing bundle of joy to love and to care for; to have impregnated and borne a child with such a treasure of a person, a beautiful girl with all the qualities of a loving mother; wisdom, kindness and passion. A caring heart, an extremely attractive apperence and the self-restraint of an angel. A great hand I was dealt, but I doubted if I deserved it yet.
A sacrifice it was that brought this family of mine great pain.
In my quest to find or give meaning to my life and make myself worthy of such great gifts from above, I had decided three years ago to make a small difference in a community that raised me. I had decided I was going to make a name for myself in this community so that when my daughter explains whose child she is she would ge received with warm hands and told great things about her father. I decided that the little I have to offer would become the difference I have to make and then I could go back to enjoy my divine gift without qualms.
I came to msogwaba uncertain of what it is I could offer this community with merely an undergraute degree in humanities, a willingness to serve and a mission to make myself worthy of God's greatest favours. I approached local schools for an opportunities to obeserve the learners, I watched them after school as they hung around the streets with nothing to do. I was given an opportunity to speak to the troublesome ones and offer them advice and a chance to be listened to. Kids raised by single parents and others by grandparents. Fathers away to work or just away period. Some fathers have abondoned their kids and now have new families and want nothing to do with this child. Other fathers demanded a no contact relationship with their kids and only offer financial support. It is even more sad for those kids who know who their father is even though he would have nothing to do with them. Others lost their fathers through death and single mothers now struggle to make ends meet. Others are just kids in a community that does not care about the young, no activities,no sports facilities, no play arears and no parks
It was then that I decided Chess would be a great contribution to these kids lives. chess would teach them the importance of following and understanding rules, it would teach them responsibilities and most importantly to think...Just to think! This is crucial in the building of a person's character.
A year after I started teaching them they have already become provincial champions in teams and individual events; they have participated in National Chess Championships on several occassions. As I write this, one of them is due to play in the most prestigious Chess event in the country, that is the SA Closed Championship in Cape Town ; two of them have been invited to play in the SA Junior Closed, a rarity in this region; seven of them have been selected to play at the SA Junior Chess Championships representing their regional age group teams in the top boards. Hundreds of them have now participated in Chess tournaments and even more of them now know how to play Chess. Amazingly, some of the kids I taught in primary are now in high school coaching their own teams continuing to spread Chess throughout the communities.
I have represented their interest in the local federation with great help from other colleagues just so they could have equal opportunities. I did all of this without ever asking anyone for financial remuneration. For three years I have sacrificed my daughters precious time with her daddy just so I could contribute to the development of a community; just so I could help a child of another have a vision, a dream and perhaps a brighter tomorrow.
It may not be enough to change the world, it may not be enough to change a whole community but im sure it was enough to change a few lives. I have a daughter to get back to now. If she was sleeping all along not realising daddy's away, she is close to awakening and I would like it if she sees me as she opens her eyes.
Her mom, my beautiful angel. My love. I know I have wronged you my dear, I realise how much I have made you suffer the consequences of my illogical decisions. I have hurt you. I have betrayed you. I have humiliated you to your friends and peers. I have embarrassed you in your family's eyes. I have hurt you in your heart and in your mind. I am so sorry. Please forgive me.
I love you. I have always loved you. I swear to you that I have never loved another since meeting you. I will always love you and our daughter. I know how many empty promises I have made to you my love, but always know that they always came from a place of hope. Everything I promised was everything I had hoped to be and do for us.
This is to say I hope I have done enough. It is time now I become a family man. Not a man of the society but a private citizen with personal aspirations. I cannot keep my daughter waiting any longer. I believe now that I am worthy of all the good that awaits
me in this world. I have cleaned my hands and my name as my plate and I am ready to receive dear God. My heart is pure and my head is clear.
This is my rebirth. My daughter and I are now born on the same day. Happy fourth birthday my sunshine
Sunday, November 22, 2015
Donate-a-Piece Inspires a Community
Very often after a chess event I get to feel on top of the world; whether I have been playing or not, a chess weekend always ends in joyful retirement for me as I get home to rest. This is usually because my students always bring home the gold and they come back home to inspire their peers making them wish they were as good or that they had the opportunity . The most fulfillong thing about this is that they actually believe that as long as they practice and learn from me there is no stopping them.
Today I got home tired but feeling more hopeful, more inspired and filled with more joy than in any of these days when my kids have conquered in "foreign lands". Today a big and inspiring chess event happened at home giving us a chance to show off our chess prowess as a community.
The deeeply moving sight of hundreds of black kids from various township Schools gathered for a Chess event at one of their own school was beyond fulfilling for a selfappointed Chess promoter and Community development enthusiast like myself. This was one of the nationwide launches of a potentially big and influential Chess and community developmet organisation known as Donate A Piece foundation. This wonderful organisation aims to promote and support Chess development in townships all over South Africa throught donation of garden Chess sets and normal table sets to township Schools. It was just our luck that one of the organisation's ambassadors is Mpumalanga's very own Chess champion (soon to be representing us at the SA Closed Championship 2015 in Cape Town), Lekazi born and bred Mr Jacob Dumisa Nkosi. Through him we were able to get Donate-a-piece in its early days to shine its bright light on our community.
Donate-a-piece, in keeping with its promise, donated a fullsize outdoor Chess set to Tenteleni Primary School in Kanyamazane and treated the kids to a full day of Chess competition. The categories for the chess tournament were u10, u12, u14, u16, u18 and seniors. this saw the whole community of old and new chess players come together. The chess veterans of the community came out in their numbers, some playing a tournament for the first time today, but their skills eclipse the fact.
The chess atmosphere was such that you wished every weekend was this way. Chess came alive in kanyamazane today and the kids in their hundreds could feel it. From the primary schools Under 10 and Under 12 groups of jovial and excited little thinkers (among whom the ever so bright, strongest under 10 in Mpumalanga Deckan Nkosi and the amazing Ehlanzeni Female Chess Champion and undoubtedly the best perfoming Under 12 of 2015 Lindokuhle Bhila also to represent us at the SA Closed Championship 2015); to the high School tactical and competitive planners on the Under 14, Under 16 and Under 18 who didn't seem to have enough of each other; each unsatisfied with their final position, threatning that next time they will be the one on the gold.
The seniors, the old strategists', no less sharper than the juniors- in fact the most sharper of the categories with former champion makers of the province and previous regional champions themselves battling to prove that a Chess mind never gets old. Watching the depth of their games and experiencing the passion of these veterans fills one with hope and excitement for the future of Chess in these townships and region.
This is what it takes to lift up the status of our communities in the towships and rural areas, for some one to feel responsible enough to take the first step to give back what they can to the community that shaped his/her worldview, the community of your roots after you have grown and made something of yourself.
The guys from donate a piece are doing what every succesful black man and woman should be doing; that is to look back at the underdeveloped communities our children are growing up in and try to remove what little obstactle of progress and development is on the way and install step ladders to help them realise their full potential.
Chess is one big obstacle remover and a step ladder in itself. It unclogs the brain and allows it to function at full capacity. Chess teaches one to think analytically and creatively; logically and critically. This alone opens up a whole new world for the young minds as they navigate through the ghettos and gutters allowing them to see themselves out of whatever hardships. Chess is the only sport that excercises the full brain activating both the left and right hemisphere. This is to say that giving any community the gift of Chess is more than gold, it is a gold mine!
Donate a piece is doing a marvelous job in helping improve our communities; this is an intervention of epic proportions; A gigantic step in the restoration of hope in black communities. The success of such programs however lies in the hands of the members of the communities taking further proactive steps in ensuring that the youth keep playing; the seniors with their skills and passion are given opportunities to share and plant back to the growing minds; and that the competitive spirit stays alive.
Today I felt elated because I have been mobilising schools to take up chess and offering them training for a couple of years now and today these schools all came together to celebrate Chess in unity here at home. Today I was not happy for bringing home a few gold medals, today I was happy because Chess was here at home with me and that is gold! I realise now that our kids are already better, they no longer need to go out to beat surburbans to test their level, but surburbans need to come to the township to learn Chess!
Thank you to all the parents who came to support their kids, your support means a lot to Chess; thank you to the Schools, the teachers and the Principals who supported the event by organising transport for their teams to get to the event, it wouldn't be the same without your commitment; thank you to the hosting School for the warm and friendly atmosphere; thank you to the seniors, veterans of the game who give a good status to Chess in our communities, true role models ; a bigger thank you to Donate-a-piece for inspiring our community to reawaken and realise the possibilities in Chess and inspiring our kids to dream and be hopeful that Chess can make a difference in their futures
I hope this inspires you to make a difference in your community or support a cause that aims to improve your community. Think about it, if you don't who will?
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Friday, November 20, 2015
Race and Representation (woolworths display)
History is never in the past, we deal with it every single day in our lives. It can't be separated from us as it is why we are, it explains why we are and how we are, more importantly it helps us understand the journey we are in as a people and the progress and made, if any.
The recent display of "grey" mannequins in ropes by Woolworths SA has been a subject of many a discussion on social media with black people expressing disgust while a large number of white people and some myopic black people seem indifferent.
The problem of race and representation is one of ages and to those unaffected by certain representations it may even seem unreasonable to speak out against them. Black people are constantly redefining themselves as a people from generation to generation and the race challenges for each generation call for different assertions and convictions. One would not need to define who they are unless their identity and origin is questioned or misrepresented. Black people are not denying their history of slavery but they are not proud of it either. At a time just after Apartheid in South Africa, a period that forced black South Africans to reassert their identity as humans, a time that forced black South Africans to define and explain to their children who and what they are...to reaffirm their place in the world and in this land of their forefathers as equal humans deserving of human dignity and respect.
It is true that Apartheid has been over for 21 years but that does not mean that people's identities and human statuses are not questioned on a daily. Apartheid is over but the mentality of bigots has not been wipedclean nor changed. Resistance in the minds of those who grew up under different conditions still prevail and for a big corporation like WoolWorths SA to propagate such mentality either in the name of fashion or "accidental Christmas decorations" is regressive in nature and insulting to the black race in effect.
There are people who have not been impacted by these display who are too quick to excuse woollies and expect that the matter be brushed under the carpet . Those people, who are mostly white (as their names and profile pictures suggest) accuse black people of having an inferiority complex by blowing this matter too far out of proportion. This accusation is a reflection of the journey that South Africa needs to take in achieving a society of social and racial understanding between black and white. Such comments point to the gaps that need to be covered as white people still feel black people have nothing to be angry about. This shows that the pain of the black person in the eyes of the white youth(and perhaps adults too) is unreasonable as some are quick to point that Apartheid is over. (Yes we burnt in the fire, it has been put out now, but does that mean the burning pain and scars vanish with the flames?) Yes discrimination, slavery and all other abuses is over but how about the prejudices that led to slavery and Apartheid in the first place?
If we are to move forward as a country and as a people, it is these prejudices that need to be dealt with. South Africans cannot be divided in denouncing the deplorable slavery depictions that Woolworths has displayed. This takes a generation of a people in the process of self understanding, self discovering and self defining back to confusion. Of course defining yourself means taking to account your history, dealing with it through understanding and overstanding to carry yourself forth; Not having it thrown at your face unexpectedly while you shop as if to convince you that you cannot amount to anything more than this (as woollies may be stating).
It is true that most black people are slaves, as woollies reminds, the poor working conditions most of them are subjected to and the lowest of wages they are paid attest to that. The treatment they suffer from their bosses and customers in service industries is similar to the whips on the back of the olden days slaves. Debt to accounts like the one from woolworths and other white owned big corporations that are paid monthly without fail for fear of repercussions. The lack of freewill and self expressions in most working environment and the dreams that remain unrealised. We do not live for ourselves as black people as our prime time is bought and paid for on a weekly, monthly or annual basis. We do not own our time, energies, our creativity and talents. We lack self determination as our whole life is determined by employers whose dreams we are helping bring to life.
This is a wake up call to say for as long as things stay the same, we will still remain where we are. As the song says "They never loved us" and yet we will continue being slaves for them in more ways than one, "they never loved us" and yet we will accept a meager "sorry" from them and convince ourselves that they meant well?!?
Respect is earned but dignity is claimed and fought for. This depiction is an insult to our dignity as a people and aims to push us down in the pit where we come from. (Maybe they do this so they can get cheaper labor as some claim Apartheid was for that purpose?)
Whatever their reasons, we as black people cannot allow anyone to take us back because we know, young or old we know, back then was never nice. If this was a test from big corporates to see if we are still sensitive about such issues as South Africans, they must get the message that we are and we resent them for testing our feelings and our conscience in such a manner. Black history is for us black people to deal with at our own pace, so they must stop telling us to get over it...We will in our own time but we will never forget
The recent display of "grey" mannequins in ropes by Woolworths SA has been a subject of many a discussion on social media with black people expressing disgust while a large number of white people and some myopic black people seem indifferent.
The problem of race and representation is one of ages and to those unaffected by certain representations it may even seem unreasonable to speak out against them. Black people are constantly redefining themselves as a people from generation to generation and the race challenges for each generation call for different assertions and convictions. One would not need to define who they are unless their identity and origin is questioned or misrepresented. Black people are not denying their history of slavery but they are not proud of it either. At a time just after Apartheid in South Africa, a period that forced black South Africans to reassert their identity as humans, a time that forced black South Africans to define and explain to their children who and what they are...to reaffirm their place in the world and in this land of their forefathers as equal humans deserving of human dignity and respect.
It is true that Apartheid has been over for 21 years but that does not mean that people's identities and human statuses are not questioned on a daily. Apartheid is over but the mentality of bigots has not been wipedclean nor changed. Resistance in the minds of those who grew up under different conditions still prevail and for a big corporation like WoolWorths SA to propagate such mentality either in the name of fashion or "accidental Christmas decorations" is regressive in nature and insulting to the black race in effect.
There are people who have not been impacted by these display who are too quick to excuse woollies and expect that the matter be brushed under the carpet . Those people, who are mostly white (as their names and profile pictures suggest) accuse black people of having an inferiority complex by blowing this matter too far out of proportion. This accusation is a reflection of the journey that South Africa needs to take in achieving a society of social and racial understanding between black and white. Such comments point to the gaps that need to be covered as white people still feel black people have nothing to be angry about. This shows that the pain of the black person in the eyes of the white youth(and perhaps adults too) is unreasonable as some are quick to point that Apartheid is over. (Yes we burnt in the fire, it has been put out now, but does that mean the burning pain and scars vanish with the flames?) Yes discrimination, slavery and all other abuses is over but how about the prejudices that led to slavery and Apartheid in the first place?
If we are to move forward as a country and as a people, it is these prejudices that need to be dealt with. South Africans cannot be divided in denouncing the deplorable slavery depictions that Woolworths has displayed. This takes a generation of a people in the process of self understanding, self discovering and self defining back to confusion. Of course defining yourself means taking to account your history, dealing with it through understanding and overstanding to carry yourself forth; Not having it thrown at your face unexpectedly while you shop as if to convince you that you cannot amount to anything more than this (as woollies may be stating).
It is true that most black people are slaves, as woollies reminds, the poor working conditions most of them are subjected to and the lowest of wages they are paid attest to that. The treatment they suffer from their bosses and customers in service industries is similar to the whips on the back of the olden days slaves. Debt to accounts like the one from woolworths and other white owned big corporations that are paid monthly without fail for fear of repercussions. The lack of freewill and self expressions in most working environment and the dreams that remain unrealised. We do not live for ourselves as black people as our prime time is bought and paid for on a weekly, monthly or annual basis. We do not own our time, energies, our creativity and talents. We lack self determination as our whole life is determined by employers whose dreams we are helping bring to life.
This is a wake up call to say for as long as things stay the same, we will still remain where we are. As the song says "They never loved us" and yet we will continue being slaves for them in more ways than one, "they never loved us" and yet we will accept a meager "sorry" from them and convince ourselves that they meant well?!?
Respect is earned but dignity is claimed and fought for. This depiction is an insult to our dignity as a people and aims to push us down in the pit where we come from. (Maybe they do this so they can get cheaper labor as some claim Apartheid was for that purpose?)
Whatever their reasons, we as black people cannot allow anyone to take us back because we know, young or old we know, back then was never nice. If this was a test from big corporates to see if we are still sensitive about such issues as South Africans, they must get the message that we are and we resent them for testing our feelings and our conscience in such a manner. Black history is for us black people to deal with at our own pace, so they must stop telling us to get over it...We will in our own time but we will never forget
Tuesday, November 10, 2015
Chess Wars
This weekend myself and my Eleven year old niece where invited to play in our local Chess Federation Closed tournament. This tournament was held with the purpose of selecting one female player and another Open (Male or Female) player to represent the region in the upcoming SA Closed Chess Championship to be held in Cape Town from the 12th to the 22nd of December 2015.
I could not go because I had already committed myself as an official to the Schools Championships in Pretoria which somehow overlaps with the SA Closed. I informed the organizers in time that I wouldn't be able to play. Besides that, I had decided to take some time off from Chess play to teach my niece in preparation for this tournament. Me not playing meant also that I would be able to analyse her games with her after every game and help her improve her performance there and there.
In all my time teaching chess to kids and my niece included, what I have learned is that the hard part is not really making them understand the material. The hardest battle, the one that if you win you have conquered, is making them Want to win, then you just show them how; making them see the value of understanding the material then they see why having you teach them is a blessing. I had succeeded with her in that regard. She loves Chess now and she's gotten so used to winning I could accuse her of loving it...though it would be a heinous accusation.
The Saturday of the tournament comes and the organizers are asking me to play for the strength of the tournament and also to balance numbers. I am very hesitant because I had already planned on sitting this one out and support my brother's daughter in this tough competition. She's playing a round-robin format against some of the strongest female players in the region where the only result that counts is 1st place. Only the first place winner of each section gets to represent the Region at the SA closed and to afford her that opportunity would mean so much to me personally.
In the interest of Chess, the organizers were able to convince me to play. I couldn't worry much about my student, I thought to myself, she's well prepared.
We also played a round-robin format with 8 of the strongest players in the region. Funny enough they are all seniors...meaning they are all above 21 years in age. My first game was against an 1800 rated player. it ended in a draw. Mind you, I'm only rated 1500, the fourth highest rated in the tournament of 8 players. Second game I played against a 1400 and I won. I played against another 1400 in the third game and I won again, easy. In the fourth game I faced off against a 1700. You can imagine my confidence after having drawn against an 1800. In a game of chess, confidence is just as important as the principles of the game if one is playing to win.
I had my opponent on the ropes the whole time. interestingly enough I was black and he was white, that is to say that he was playing with the white pieces and I was playing with the black pieces...white pieces have the privilege of making the first move, initiating the attacks and therefore feel entitled to a win. Black role is to stop the white army in its attacks and try to level up the playing field somehow by equalizing the position and gain back the tempo (the silver spoon) that white started with. That is why in most cases, the most that black can hope for in a game of players of equal strength, is a draw.
My aim here was not to make it easier for my stronger counter part to get this full point. I had to make him sweat for it, Raise his blood pressure for a bit and have his heart pounding inside that shirt. Have him wish for a draw even though he sat down planning for a win, while I'm just sitting comfortably watching his face turn red as my confidence grows by the second.
I had him sweating in panic as I pushed on my passed pawn to the 3rd rank ready to promote in two moves. I had already counted the point when he suddenly played a brilliant move I had half-calculated. That was the move that cost me my precious pawn. The fall of that black pawn was like the fall of Biko to the black masses in the seventies. A pawn that represented so much hope for the black army. A free thinking pawn that could not be stopped by any other pawn. It was a visionary pawn, a leader of pawns that managed to go over its own half of the board. It dared venture into the unknown world of ideas and had seen itself promoted to a general (Queen).
The fall of my passed pawn brought my confidence to the ground and the future looked dim from then on. I continued playing because I believed I could get a draw from being a pawn down. But the reality of chess is, one pawn can win the game, and it did (in a tactic known as a 'fox in a chicken coup').
So I had my first loss for the day and this was the last match for the day. In the females section they managed to finish all their games in one day. The results were interesting. My baby, my niece, my student...she won the tournament with an impressive full score. No lose, she proved stronger that all the other players on the day.
After four games with the seniors we looked at the results and found that on the lead was a 1700, not the one I played, but the one I was to play first thing in the morning the next day. He had 3.5 points after 4 games and was followed by a 1400 with 3 points and the other 1700 with 3 points. the bottom two was a 1800 with 0.5 points and a 1400 with 0.5 the only two people who played the whole day without managing a single win.
The next morning we came ready to start another day of chess. Everyone was in except my opponent, my good friend, the 1700 I'm meant to be playing against. Default time is fifteen minutes, meaning that if he is not in the venue 15 minutes after the clocks have been started, he forfeits the point. Before the clocks got started, we tried calling him, he was on his way and still a bit far. the clocks started, the arbiter cannot keep everyone waiting on account of one player. She presses the clocks to start. I push e4 and press my clock. I get up to go outside to see if this man is coming, still no sign of him. I look to my left, the guy who was meant to be playing isn't on his seat and the opponent had pressed the clock. Slyly he suggested to the arbiter that he would go find his opponent but turned back at the door.
I go out to the bathroom and he sees me going to the side his opponent went to and signals me not to alert the guy that the clocks are started, I smile casually and proceed to the loo. As I get there I find the guy washing his face with his shirt off, relaxed, casually he complains about the heat and leans on the basin in the bathroom. I smile a bit considering his opponent's request. He was left with about 4 minutes before getting defaulted. I think to myself that I cannot afford to have this man's death on my conscience. He was the 1400 with 0.5 points...aged and chubby so if he finds out he has been defaulted for a game he was present for he would get a heart attack. Worse is what he would think of me when he finds out I held out info about his imminent default and didn't feel the need to alert him. So I just laughed at him for being this casual while his time was running out in the playing hall. The shock on his face was thank you enough. He ran back to the hall to end up losing in a fair combat again anyways.
Two minutes before default time for my opponent and I'm starting to panic on his behalf. He is the preferati...the preferred winner of the tournament for me. The situation is thus; the winner of this section will travel with the winner of the Female section. Since I cannot afford to go owing to prior commitments, I would prefer it if my friend here went because my niece would be comfortable travelling with him than anyone else playing.
So I get up in panic, I go outside look around and I see my guy walking in a resting manner as if he had been running and now tired but can't afford to stop to rest. Excitedly I shout him out to run there's only seconds to go till he defaults. He runs into the hall sweating, pushes d5 and presses the clock that was already on 46 Minutes and rests on the table in terror of what could have been.
The looks of disappointment in the faces of the other hopefuls as they realize that the default time couldn't help them. It is a known fact that he is the strongest player in the tournament even though his rating puts him in third highest. There exists some 'previously advantaged ratings' in Chess too. At least in this region if not in the whole country.
We played our game and my friend beat me. No surprise there. Another 1700 beat me, the 1500. Next game I played against the lowest rated player in the tournament, but not the weakest by performance. I did a quick job with him and he later confessed that he didn't think he stood a chance anyways. This means he was half beaten before the game started. I had broken him from our previous encounters and add to that him being beaten by some of my students in casual play.
The last game of the day was against my partner in crime, my friend and rival in the region (which doesn't make sense because I believe I'm stronger than him. My rating says so, and so does my recent record against him). He is 1400 and I am 1500. In 15 moves I had stolen his rook for no compensation. His king has been checked by a knight and had to move so now he cannot Castle. His other rook is locked in a corner without any hope of coming out to assist his distressed king and out of action queen. My knight manages to come out of the rook-heist unharmed. I look up to my opponents face and see sparks, watery glitters as if he can not see clearly no more. He puts his thumb and index finger on the inner corners of his eyes closer to the nose and presses. He sighs. I cannot help laughing, I'm tickled. Its unfair, I think to myself. I feel sorry for my friend. But I can't go easy on him, if I lose after having dominated him like this, I won't hear the end of it. I can already make out what he would say even if he loses. I know all his excuses. Maybe he was tired after his first lose earlier from the 1800 or maybe he's had a fight with the Mrs at home. Excuses never run out
However he now looks emotionally drained, he is suffering here and I am left with 40 min on the clock and him with 30min. This is the last game of the day. I'm winning this so, I decide to prolong the game, give him some energy to play on and at the same time open up his king there in the center. I look up to him with a smile and I give him a knight for the prize of opening up his king just so the game can continue. He takes the knight after thinking for 5minutes. Then he seats up straight. He feels he is back in the game now. Well that's what I wanted really, for him to get up before I kick him back down again. Cruel I know. But its worse kicking him while he is down, he's a friend.
We proceed, now there's many lines opened leading up to his King; Diagonals, Files and Ranks! That's better than a full piece lead, I convince myself. His exposed King allows me to now collect free pawns with checks while I push his pieces back. He's gone back to slouching on the chair looking like a sad puppy once again. What am I doing embarrassing my friend in front of company? The other players give one look at the board, raise their eyebrows and give another look to the person suffering the position and shake their heads, then walk away. I feel bad. I could finish him now and this would all be over, but he's resisting and his position gets weaker and weaker.
Because he has not convinced himself that I am better than him and that I have beaten him here, he hangs on. He's stubborn like that. I'm too confident now and I'm no longer looking for easy finishes, I am looking for tactically brilliant finishes that crush the opponent's spirit so that next time he knows. I try to complicate the position some more and I miss a (preparatory) move...damn! He spots this weakness like a gazelle cornered by a hungry lion looking for a way out, hoping against all hope for the smallest opening to make an escape...and there it is. He squeezes through. He grabs the opportunity and makes a run for it. The position looks good for me but he now has his queen against my naked King with only a rook to offer protection. My own queen was out shopping for pawns instead of supporting my 3 passed pawns to promotion. He asked for a draw and I accepted looking at the position of my queen relative to his. He could check me all day and end up winning on time or ultimately drawing by repetition anyway. So not to be too cruel, I accepted the draw understanding what my good friend here has been through.
The draw put him at 4.5 points, me at 4 points. Leading the pack was our 1700 with 6.5 out of 7. No doubt he is the deserving player to represent our region and his victory cannot be questioned since he beat all the region's top players and he could do it any day at anytime with only the left hemisphere of his brain...Second place was my last opponent with 4.5 and third place was a three-way tie with 4 points. I was blitzed out in the tie break by my 1700 rated opponent. The other third place tier had already left and he had beaten the 1700 in their encounter in the tournament. I had beaten him, which added to the complication. But the winner was too obvious and that is all that matters. Another brilliant day in Chess at Ehlanzeni. We don't get such strong tournaments here and sitting it out would have been a loss on my part. Another well organized and successful tournament in the region, another good day for Chess in the Country. A victory for Chess
This is to say, Congratulations to Dumisa Nkosi and Lindokuhle Bhila for winning the Ehlanzeni Closed. We look forward to your victories in Cape Town. They are going to be representing our Region in Cape Town for the SA Closed in December.
I could not go because I had already committed myself as an official to the Schools Championships in Pretoria which somehow overlaps with the SA Closed. I informed the organizers in time that I wouldn't be able to play. Besides that, I had decided to take some time off from Chess play to teach my niece in preparation for this tournament. Me not playing meant also that I would be able to analyse her games with her after every game and help her improve her performance there and there.
In all my time teaching chess to kids and my niece included, what I have learned is that the hard part is not really making them understand the material. The hardest battle, the one that if you win you have conquered, is making them Want to win, then you just show them how; making them see the value of understanding the material then they see why having you teach them is a blessing. I had succeeded with her in that regard. She loves Chess now and she's gotten so used to winning I could accuse her of loving it...though it would be a heinous accusation.
The Saturday of the tournament comes and the organizers are asking me to play for the strength of the tournament and also to balance numbers. I am very hesitant because I had already planned on sitting this one out and support my brother's daughter in this tough competition. She's playing a round-robin format against some of the strongest female players in the region where the only result that counts is 1st place. Only the first place winner of each section gets to represent the Region at the SA closed and to afford her that opportunity would mean so much to me personally.
In the interest of Chess, the organizers were able to convince me to play. I couldn't worry much about my student, I thought to myself, she's well prepared.
We also played a round-robin format with 8 of the strongest players in the region. Funny enough they are all seniors...meaning they are all above 21 years in age. My first game was against an 1800 rated player. it ended in a draw. Mind you, I'm only rated 1500, the fourth highest rated in the tournament of 8 players. Second game I played against a 1400 and I won. I played against another 1400 in the third game and I won again, easy. In the fourth game I faced off against a 1700. You can imagine my confidence after having drawn against an 1800. In a game of chess, confidence is just as important as the principles of the game if one is playing to win.
I had my opponent on the ropes the whole time. interestingly enough I was black and he was white, that is to say that he was playing with the white pieces and I was playing with the black pieces...white pieces have the privilege of making the first move, initiating the attacks and therefore feel entitled to a win. Black role is to stop the white army in its attacks and try to level up the playing field somehow by equalizing the position and gain back the tempo (the silver spoon) that white started with. That is why in most cases, the most that black can hope for in a game of players of equal strength, is a draw.
My aim here was not to make it easier for my stronger counter part to get this full point. I had to make him sweat for it, Raise his blood pressure for a bit and have his heart pounding inside that shirt. Have him wish for a draw even though he sat down planning for a win, while I'm just sitting comfortably watching his face turn red as my confidence grows by the second.
I had him sweating in panic as I pushed on my passed pawn to the 3rd rank ready to promote in two moves. I had already counted the point when he suddenly played a brilliant move I had half-calculated. That was the move that cost me my precious pawn. The fall of that black pawn was like the fall of Biko to the black masses in the seventies. A pawn that represented so much hope for the black army. A free thinking pawn that could not be stopped by any other pawn. It was a visionary pawn, a leader of pawns that managed to go over its own half of the board. It dared venture into the unknown world of ideas and had seen itself promoted to a general (Queen).
The fall of my passed pawn brought my confidence to the ground and the future looked dim from then on. I continued playing because I believed I could get a draw from being a pawn down. But the reality of chess is, one pawn can win the game, and it did (in a tactic known as a 'fox in a chicken coup').
So I had my first loss for the day and this was the last match for the day. In the females section they managed to finish all their games in one day. The results were interesting. My baby, my niece, my student...she won the tournament with an impressive full score. No lose, she proved stronger that all the other players on the day.
After four games with the seniors we looked at the results and found that on the lead was a 1700, not the one I played, but the one I was to play first thing in the morning the next day. He had 3.5 points after 4 games and was followed by a 1400 with 3 points and the other 1700 with 3 points. the bottom two was a 1800 with 0.5 points and a 1400 with 0.5 the only two people who played the whole day without managing a single win.
The next morning we came ready to start another day of chess. Everyone was in except my opponent, my good friend, the 1700 I'm meant to be playing against. Default time is fifteen minutes, meaning that if he is not in the venue 15 minutes after the clocks have been started, he forfeits the point. Before the clocks got started, we tried calling him, he was on his way and still a bit far. the clocks started, the arbiter cannot keep everyone waiting on account of one player. She presses the clocks to start. I push e4 and press my clock. I get up to go outside to see if this man is coming, still no sign of him. I look to my left, the guy who was meant to be playing isn't on his seat and the opponent had pressed the clock. Slyly he suggested to the arbiter that he would go find his opponent but turned back at the door.
I go out to the bathroom and he sees me going to the side his opponent went to and signals me not to alert the guy that the clocks are started, I smile casually and proceed to the loo. As I get there I find the guy washing his face with his shirt off, relaxed, casually he complains about the heat and leans on the basin in the bathroom. I smile a bit considering his opponent's request. He was left with about 4 minutes before getting defaulted. I think to myself that I cannot afford to have this man's death on my conscience. He was the 1400 with 0.5 points...aged and chubby so if he finds out he has been defaulted for a game he was present for he would get a heart attack. Worse is what he would think of me when he finds out I held out info about his imminent default and didn't feel the need to alert him. So I just laughed at him for being this casual while his time was running out in the playing hall. The shock on his face was thank you enough. He ran back to the hall to end up losing in a fair combat again anyways.
Two minutes before default time for my opponent and I'm starting to panic on his behalf. He is the preferati...the preferred winner of the tournament for me. The situation is thus; the winner of this section will travel with the winner of the Female section. Since I cannot afford to go owing to prior commitments, I would prefer it if my friend here went because my niece would be comfortable travelling with him than anyone else playing.
So I get up in panic, I go outside look around and I see my guy walking in a resting manner as if he had been running and now tired but can't afford to stop to rest. Excitedly I shout him out to run there's only seconds to go till he defaults. He runs into the hall sweating, pushes d5 and presses the clock that was already on 46 Minutes and rests on the table in terror of what could have been.
The looks of disappointment in the faces of the other hopefuls as they realize that the default time couldn't help them. It is a known fact that he is the strongest player in the tournament even though his rating puts him in third highest. There exists some 'previously advantaged ratings' in Chess too. At least in this region if not in the whole country.
We played our game and my friend beat me. No surprise there. Another 1700 beat me, the 1500. Next game I played against the lowest rated player in the tournament, but not the weakest by performance. I did a quick job with him and he later confessed that he didn't think he stood a chance anyways. This means he was half beaten before the game started. I had broken him from our previous encounters and add to that him being beaten by some of my students in casual play.
The last game of the day was against my partner in crime, my friend and rival in the region (which doesn't make sense because I believe I'm stronger than him. My rating says so, and so does my recent record against him). He is 1400 and I am 1500. In 15 moves I had stolen his rook for no compensation. His king has been checked by a knight and had to move so now he cannot Castle. His other rook is locked in a corner without any hope of coming out to assist his distressed king and out of action queen. My knight manages to come out of the rook-heist unharmed. I look up to my opponents face and see sparks, watery glitters as if he can not see clearly no more. He puts his thumb and index finger on the inner corners of his eyes closer to the nose and presses. He sighs. I cannot help laughing, I'm tickled. Its unfair, I think to myself. I feel sorry for my friend. But I can't go easy on him, if I lose after having dominated him like this, I won't hear the end of it. I can already make out what he would say even if he loses. I know all his excuses. Maybe he was tired after his first lose earlier from the 1800 or maybe he's had a fight with the Mrs at home. Excuses never run out
However he now looks emotionally drained, he is suffering here and I am left with 40 min on the clock and him with 30min. This is the last game of the day. I'm winning this so, I decide to prolong the game, give him some energy to play on and at the same time open up his king there in the center. I look up to him with a smile and I give him a knight for the prize of opening up his king just so the game can continue. He takes the knight after thinking for 5minutes. Then he seats up straight. He feels he is back in the game now. Well that's what I wanted really, for him to get up before I kick him back down again. Cruel I know. But its worse kicking him while he is down, he's a friend.
We proceed, now there's many lines opened leading up to his King; Diagonals, Files and Ranks! That's better than a full piece lead, I convince myself. His exposed King allows me to now collect free pawns with checks while I push his pieces back. He's gone back to slouching on the chair looking like a sad puppy once again. What am I doing embarrassing my friend in front of company? The other players give one look at the board, raise their eyebrows and give another look to the person suffering the position and shake their heads, then walk away. I feel bad. I could finish him now and this would all be over, but he's resisting and his position gets weaker and weaker.
Because he has not convinced himself that I am better than him and that I have beaten him here, he hangs on. He's stubborn like that. I'm too confident now and I'm no longer looking for easy finishes, I am looking for tactically brilliant finishes that crush the opponent's spirit so that next time he knows. I try to complicate the position some more and I miss a (preparatory) move...damn! He spots this weakness like a gazelle cornered by a hungry lion looking for a way out, hoping against all hope for the smallest opening to make an escape...and there it is. He squeezes through. He grabs the opportunity and makes a run for it. The position looks good for me but he now has his queen against my naked King with only a rook to offer protection. My own queen was out shopping for pawns instead of supporting my 3 passed pawns to promotion. He asked for a draw and I accepted looking at the position of my queen relative to his. He could check me all day and end up winning on time or ultimately drawing by repetition anyway. So not to be too cruel, I accepted the draw understanding what my good friend here has been through.
The draw put him at 4.5 points, me at 4 points. Leading the pack was our 1700 with 6.5 out of 7. No doubt he is the deserving player to represent our region and his victory cannot be questioned since he beat all the region's top players and he could do it any day at anytime with only the left hemisphere of his brain...Second place was my last opponent with 4.5 and third place was a three-way tie with 4 points. I was blitzed out in the tie break by my 1700 rated opponent. The other third place tier had already left and he had beaten the 1700 in their encounter in the tournament. I had beaten him, which added to the complication. But the winner was too obvious and that is all that matters. Another brilliant day in Chess at Ehlanzeni. We don't get such strong tournaments here and sitting it out would have been a loss on my part. Another well organized and successful tournament in the region, another good day for Chess in the Country. A victory for Chess
This is to say, Congratulations to Dumisa Nkosi and Lindokuhle Bhila for winning the Ehlanzeni Closed. We look forward to your victories in Cape Town. They are going to be representing our Region in Cape Town for the SA Closed in December.
Thursday, November 5, 2015
No Lies, I Am
Lost lies never existed
hidden feelings never impacted
secret passions do no harm
hidden rage keeps me calm
Supremacy denied permitted slavery
My Royal lineage never gave me glory
Skinned to the colour of my soil
haired to resemble my coal
Air I breath colours my soul
This precious soil feeds my skin
This precious coal, the crown on my head
Still Royalty to my nude
Unjeweled cause my heart is Gold
My brain more valuable than my diamonds
My being is priceless, and I wear it with Pride
I'm fearless, I command this Pride
This Jungle was once mine
Putting concrete in it does not change that
giving it a name does not claim it
defining me does not chain me
I'm Godly
My spirit ancestral
My gaze has depth
My screams are thunder
My breath breeds life
My essence essential
I am Human
I am Humanity
I am Kindness
I am Passion
I am Harmony
I am Heart with no Hate
I am Mind
I am Body
I am Soul
I lead, you follow
I sing, you dance
I am Original
I am God's first
I am the favoured
I am His Image
I am the Soil, the Air, the Water, the Fire
I am the Heir
I am the Truth
I am the Supreme
I am Forever
I am Black!!!
hidden feelings never impacted
secret passions do no harm
hidden rage keeps me calm
Supremacy denied permitted slavery
My Royal lineage never gave me glory
Skinned to the colour of my soil
haired to resemble my coal
Air I breath colours my soul
This precious soil feeds my skin
This precious coal, the crown on my head
Still Royalty to my nude
Unjeweled cause my heart is Gold
My brain more valuable than my diamonds
My being is priceless, and I wear it with Pride
I'm fearless, I command this Pride
This Jungle was once mine
Putting concrete in it does not change that
giving it a name does not claim it
defining me does not chain me
I'm Godly
My spirit ancestral
My gaze has depth
My screams are thunder
My breath breeds life
My essence essential
I am Human
I am Humanity
I am Kindness
I am Passion
I am Harmony
I am Heart with no Hate
I am Mind
I am Body
I am Soul
I lead, you follow
I sing, you dance
I am Original
I am God's first
I am the favoured
I am His Image
I am the Soil, the Air, the Water, the Fire
I am the Heir
I am the Truth
I am the Supreme
I am Forever
I am Black!!!
Tuesday, October 27, 2015
Moral Responsibility of White South Africans
Five years ago my Philosophy Professor asked me to come up with a problem I intend to deal with in my Thesis. I took a week thinking about this and finally came up with this problem that is as old as human conflict is; "The moral responsibilities of former oppressors to the formerly oppressed". This topic was to help deal with reparations beyond money,land and other material imbalances. This was to explain to previous oppressors that their oppression of a certain people did more than just strip them of their material possession.
My Professor explained to me that this topic was too broad as it speaks to all oppressors and former oppressors, it needs to be specific to a certain group or class of people that can be seen as oppressors or former oppressors. Thus I then changed my topic to "The Moral Responsibility of Former Oppressors to the Formerly Oppressed: A South African Case Study". In my mind however the topic has always been straight forward and clearer than this. It was "The Moral Responsibility of White People to Black People in South Africa" but being in a Philosophy Honours Class of about 10 or 11 and being the only black person, two or three Indians and about six or seven White people and a white professors facilitating the debates and discussions, I had to thread carefully lest we start getting too personal (Needless to say, it did get personal, it is personal and will be for a very long time).
It is a fact of our history that White people have Oppressed Black people in South Africa for a very long time. For over 200 years, the identity of a Black person has been decided and defined by the White person. The social position of a black person and also the social positioning (geographic), the opinion of a black person and his thinking has been in the control of a White person. The way black people have negative opinions about themselves and hold the views of a White person in higher esteem only speaks of the legacies of Apartheid. This is a phenomenon very common among the Black people who have grown up during the period of Apartheid or before. They do not argue with a White person and even if a White person makes the most silliest of comments, for these anachronists, it is an opinion worth considering and they will not hesitate to applaud it.
My fear is that this mentality, the legacy of Apartheid and slavery, is perpetuated in to this generation and the next generation of born-frees, the free thinkers through the living old-timers. When a young White man or woman will shout at an elder Black man in the presence of young people whether Black or White, they pick the power relations especially since we know that the elderly Black gardener or kitchen lady will not retaliate or even defend themselves. To a non-critical mind of a young kid, such experiences can be corruptive as they shape the worldview of this young person. Such corruptive behaviours are also common in subliminal levels where during a group discussions in a professional setting you will find that when the Black person speaks everyone is very critical and doubtful and when the White person speaks the audiences faces are relaxed and welcoming.
The moral responsibilities of White people living today, in my opinion is to help us Black people eradicate all legacies of Apartheid especially those legacies that interfere with the Black person's establishing of his/her Identity. The Black person's Identity does not have to be defined relative to that of the White person. It is independent of the White person even though its strength has been in history tested by the White person.
White people are responsible for ensuring that their children do not grow up believing that they are in any way superior to Black people. Because they are not! In any way. We do understand how it can be difficult at times as when President Jacob Zuma is on TV delivering a speech or the EFF is busy disrupting Parliament it might slip out sometimes and you find yourself saying in front of your kids "black people are so stupid, look at this guy he can't even read and they make him a president" or " These baboons are a bunch of clowns, they don't deserve to be in parliament, they should be in a Zoo". Such utterances are disruptive to the progress of this nation as they may shape how that young person in your presence perceives Black people or even shape their opinion of Black people.
White people need to actively change their opinion of Black people and remember that whatever they think of Black people now was a result of the actions of their forefathers. It was negative opinions that your parents and theirs before you where raised with in order to make them insensitive to the plight of the Black man, women and Child. In order to desensitize them from the injustices that they would grow to witness under the Apartheid government, they were made to believe that Black people were incapable of behaving human and therefore not deserving to be treated human . When the battle lines are drawn you will say anything to your army so they do not hesitate to fire at the enemy when the time comes, and that includes making them believe the enemy is less human than us. Black people and White people are no longer at war in South Africa, there is no longer a need to for making soldiers of our kids. You do not need to encourage a negative perception of Black people to your children any longer, keep your old opinions to yourself.
To the old generation of black people, we understand that you have grown up at a different time. We understand that you were taught to respect white people and to never question their authority regardless of their lack of expertise in the case in question. We hear it in your voices when you sing their praises in their presence over something as simple as a definition of "water" in a Chess class. We see your apologetic smile when a white person addresses you and we hear you say thank you for nothing. Speaking to a white kid as if you are addressing your elder, that does not scream humility to us, it screams "broken by Apartheid". We do understand, the scars of Bantu Education cut deep. Our problem is that you are disrupting our progress as a people claiming back our Royal Status in this world. We can not be seen singing praise to those who fail to recognise our contributions to the human race. We need to sing out loud our own praises, shout out our names so loud that they cannot help but recognise what they have been missing in their times of seclusion.
To the Black people who have lived and suffered Apartheid, please leave your Apartheid mentality behind and get with the program. We hear you saying White people are more organised and less corrupt than black people, that comment is not helping us get better. You can admire the other team but you will not qualify to play with them or for them until you have proven and convinced yourself that you are as good as they are or even better. There are a lot of "Uncle Ruckus's" out there who love and admire without hesitation, everything associated with White. This does not mean White is better, it just means the Apartheid system was effective in convincing the Black person that he/she is less than White. But that is not the goal and we realise that now. The goal is not to be White but the goal is to realise our Blackness, claim our blackness and most importantly, to own our Blackness.
The time of a Black person having to look to the White person in the room for approval is past, now it is time for the Black person to look from within his/her self for approval because only a Black person can define what it is to be Black, only a Black person can say what it means to be Black and thus only you, Black person, knows what it is to be right.
In outlining the "Morals Responsibilities of White people towards Black people in South Africa I mentioned the following:
White people have the responsibility to assist black people in rebuilding their impoverished communities. Black communities are not in any way conducive to the mental development of a child. They lack sports facilities, they lack enough educational facilities and they also lack recreational facilities. They have enough alcohol outlets, and recently, shopping centers too. There is a lot of White people controlling funds of some of the biggest foundations and corporations in the country. If they could invest that money into building Sports and Recreational centers in some Black communities, we would be a step closer to achieving the goal of equality.
Assimilation is another way White people can help deal with the legacies of the past. The division of the races that was passed as a law during Apartheid is doing more damage even today. It is the reason why White people cannot understand why Black people have so much to complain about and little to be grateful for. It is the reason Black people cannot understand how there can be possibly poor White people or even stupid ones. The assimilation of the races means opening ourselves to the understanding of the other's language and culture, religion and ways of life. This is a responsibility of White people since Black people have for many years pursued the 'white-standard' that they have learned and understood a lot about the cultures, languages and religions of the White person. In fact it was in many ways forced on Black people and now it is the turn of the White person to pursue the understanding of the Black person. This is crucial since you cannot ask to be friends with someone whose culture, language and way of life you do not understand. (This is assuming, of course that White people want to be friends with Black people)
White people also need to stop thinking or saying Black people are poor. Black people are not poor, they are just deprived of opportunities. There is no need to pity Black people who cannot afford especially not in front of your kids, it sends the wrong message. Black people are not your responsibilities, your are not charged with the responsibility to look after black people. You wouldn't be, you would fail dismally if you were. You owe Black people, that's all. Whatever donation you give out to support a cause to the betterment of the Black community or a Black child you need to understand that you are not doing anyone a favour, you are only taking collective responsibility to mend the injustices of the past. You are helping Black people fight the systematic injustices of today that continue to deprive the Black child of opportunities.
The one biggest moral responsibility, however of a former oppressor is to apologise to the formerly oppressed and seek forgiveness and understanding. Explain to their victim about the derangement that had overcome them so they understand it was not a result of their actions but of your thinking; promise to make means to undo the damages where possible, promise and convince the victim that such will never happen again since you now see the world differently. Ask for an opportunity to regain their trust which was lost. Ask for an opportunity to continue living among you and your family or your people.
That is how such wounds are healed, ideally. In South Africa, I wonder if White people have a collective voice that can say their apologies for them to all the Black people. If the AWB was still recognised as a political party or a movement it would speak for a fraction of the Whites. The NP could also speak for a few White people whose interests it represents, I don't know about the DA because they might ask a Black person to speak for them and cause a confusion. The point of the matter is the first step to reparations and redress in a moral level is to apologise and pledge to make things right by starting a relationship of mutual understanding and openness.
The reason why there is still racism in South Africa even today is not necessarily that White people still believe that they are better than Black people. It is because they are confused about themselves and about the kind of relationship they are expected to have with Black people. They do not know where they stand with Black people and they are not aware of what Black people think of them, they do not know what is expected of them on a Social level. This is why the political and Social parties (If they exist) that represent White people need to come forward and begin a discourse on the reparations or creation of Social Relations between the races
My Professor explained to me that this topic was too broad as it speaks to all oppressors and former oppressors, it needs to be specific to a certain group or class of people that can be seen as oppressors or former oppressors. Thus I then changed my topic to "The Moral Responsibility of Former Oppressors to the Formerly Oppressed: A South African Case Study". In my mind however the topic has always been straight forward and clearer than this. It was "The Moral Responsibility of White People to Black People in South Africa" but being in a Philosophy Honours Class of about 10 or 11 and being the only black person, two or three Indians and about six or seven White people and a white professors facilitating the debates and discussions, I had to thread carefully lest we start getting too personal (Needless to say, it did get personal, it is personal and will be for a very long time).
It is a fact of our history that White people have Oppressed Black people in South Africa for a very long time. For over 200 years, the identity of a Black person has been decided and defined by the White person. The social position of a black person and also the social positioning (geographic), the opinion of a black person and his thinking has been in the control of a White person. The way black people have negative opinions about themselves and hold the views of a White person in higher esteem only speaks of the legacies of Apartheid. This is a phenomenon very common among the Black people who have grown up during the period of Apartheid or before. They do not argue with a White person and even if a White person makes the most silliest of comments, for these anachronists, it is an opinion worth considering and they will not hesitate to applaud it.
My fear is that this mentality, the legacy of Apartheid and slavery, is perpetuated in to this generation and the next generation of born-frees, the free thinkers through the living old-timers. When a young White man or woman will shout at an elder Black man in the presence of young people whether Black or White, they pick the power relations especially since we know that the elderly Black gardener or kitchen lady will not retaliate or even defend themselves. To a non-critical mind of a young kid, such experiences can be corruptive as they shape the worldview of this young person. Such corruptive behaviours are also common in subliminal levels where during a group discussions in a professional setting you will find that when the Black person speaks everyone is very critical and doubtful and when the White person speaks the audiences faces are relaxed and welcoming.
The moral responsibilities of White people living today, in my opinion is to help us Black people eradicate all legacies of Apartheid especially those legacies that interfere with the Black person's establishing of his/her Identity. The Black person's Identity does not have to be defined relative to that of the White person. It is independent of the White person even though its strength has been in history tested by the White person.
White people are responsible for ensuring that their children do not grow up believing that they are in any way superior to Black people. Because they are not! In any way. We do understand how it can be difficult at times as when President Jacob Zuma is on TV delivering a speech or the EFF is busy disrupting Parliament it might slip out sometimes and you find yourself saying in front of your kids "black people are so stupid, look at this guy he can't even read and they make him a president" or " These baboons are a bunch of clowns, they don't deserve to be in parliament, they should be in a Zoo". Such utterances are disruptive to the progress of this nation as they may shape how that young person in your presence perceives Black people or even shape their opinion of Black people.
White people need to actively change their opinion of Black people and remember that whatever they think of Black people now was a result of the actions of their forefathers. It was negative opinions that your parents and theirs before you where raised with in order to make them insensitive to the plight of the Black man, women and Child. In order to desensitize them from the injustices that they would grow to witness under the Apartheid government, they were made to believe that Black people were incapable of behaving human and therefore not deserving to be treated human . When the battle lines are drawn you will say anything to your army so they do not hesitate to fire at the enemy when the time comes, and that includes making them believe the enemy is less human than us. Black people and White people are no longer at war in South Africa, there is no longer a need to for making soldiers of our kids. You do not need to encourage a negative perception of Black people to your children any longer, keep your old opinions to yourself.
To the old generation of black people, we understand that you have grown up at a different time. We understand that you were taught to respect white people and to never question their authority regardless of their lack of expertise in the case in question. We hear it in your voices when you sing their praises in their presence over something as simple as a definition of "water" in a Chess class. We see your apologetic smile when a white person addresses you and we hear you say thank you for nothing. Speaking to a white kid as if you are addressing your elder, that does not scream humility to us, it screams "broken by Apartheid". We do understand, the scars of Bantu Education cut deep. Our problem is that you are disrupting our progress as a people claiming back our Royal Status in this world. We can not be seen singing praise to those who fail to recognise our contributions to the human race. We need to sing out loud our own praises, shout out our names so loud that they cannot help but recognise what they have been missing in their times of seclusion.
To the Black people who have lived and suffered Apartheid, please leave your Apartheid mentality behind and get with the program. We hear you saying White people are more organised and less corrupt than black people, that comment is not helping us get better. You can admire the other team but you will not qualify to play with them or for them until you have proven and convinced yourself that you are as good as they are or even better. There are a lot of "Uncle Ruckus's" out there who love and admire without hesitation, everything associated with White. This does not mean White is better, it just means the Apartheid system was effective in convincing the Black person that he/she is less than White. But that is not the goal and we realise that now. The goal is not to be White but the goal is to realise our Blackness, claim our blackness and most importantly, to own our Blackness.
The time of a Black person having to look to the White person in the room for approval is past, now it is time for the Black person to look from within his/her self for approval because only a Black person can define what it is to be Black, only a Black person can say what it means to be Black and thus only you, Black person, knows what it is to be right.
In outlining the "Morals Responsibilities of White people towards Black people in South Africa I mentioned the following:
White people have the responsibility to assist black people in rebuilding their impoverished communities. Black communities are not in any way conducive to the mental development of a child. They lack sports facilities, they lack enough educational facilities and they also lack recreational facilities. They have enough alcohol outlets, and recently, shopping centers too. There is a lot of White people controlling funds of some of the biggest foundations and corporations in the country. If they could invest that money into building Sports and Recreational centers in some Black communities, we would be a step closer to achieving the goal of equality.
Assimilation is another way White people can help deal with the legacies of the past. The division of the races that was passed as a law during Apartheid is doing more damage even today. It is the reason why White people cannot understand why Black people have so much to complain about and little to be grateful for. It is the reason Black people cannot understand how there can be possibly poor White people or even stupid ones. The assimilation of the races means opening ourselves to the understanding of the other's language and culture, religion and ways of life. This is a responsibility of White people since Black people have for many years pursued the 'white-standard' that they have learned and understood a lot about the cultures, languages and religions of the White person. In fact it was in many ways forced on Black people and now it is the turn of the White person to pursue the understanding of the Black person. This is crucial since you cannot ask to be friends with someone whose culture, language and way of life you do not understand. (This is assuming, of course that White people want to be friends with Black people)
White people also need to stop thinking or saying Black people are poor. Black people are not poor, they are just deprived of opportunities. There is no need to pity Black people who cannot afford especially not in front of your kids, it sends the wrong message. Black people are not your responsibilities, your are not charged with the responsibility to look after black people. You wouldn't be, you would fail dismally if you were. You owe Black people, that's all. Whatever donation you give out to support a cause to the betterment of the Black community or a Black child you need to understand that you are not doing anyone a favour, you are only taking collective responsibility to mend the injustices of the past. You are helping Black people fight the systematic injustices of today that continue to deprive the Black child of opportunities.
The one biggest moral responsibility, however of a former oppressor is to apologise to the formerly oppressed and seek forgiveness and understanding. Explain to their victim about the derangement that had overcome them so they understand it was not a result of their actions but of your thinking; promise to make means to undo the damages where possible, promise and convince the victim that such will never happen again since you now see the world differently. Ask for an opportunity to regain their trust which was lost. Ask for an opportunity to continue living among you and your family or your people.
That is how such wounds are healed, ideally. In South Africa, I wonder if White people have a collective voice that can say their apologies for them to all the Black people. If the AWB was still recognised as a political party or a movement it would speak for a fraction of the Whites. The NP could also speak for a few White people whose interests it represents, I don't know about the DA because they might ask a Black person to speak for them and cause a confusion. The point of the matter is the first step to reparations and redress in a moral level is to apologise and pledge to make things right by starting a relationship of mutual understanding and openness.
The reason why there is still racism in South Africa even today is not necessarily that White people still believe that they are better than Black people. It is because they are confused about themselves and about the kind of relationship they are expected to have with Black people. They do not know where they stand with Black people and they are not aware of what Black people think of them, they do not know what is expected of them on a Social level. This is why the political and Social parties (If they exist) that represent White people need to come forward and begin a discourse on the reparations or creation of Social Relations between the races
Monday, October 26, 2015
#FeesMustFall To the Ground
This year has see a lot of hashtags being used for social change in a big way. South Africans are starting to appreciate the power of Social media, more specifically the hashtags. We have seen the call for the fall of the statue of Rhodes go viral on the hashtag #RhodesMustFall. Everyone who could, shared their opinion on the matter and the movement grew so much that it reached students overseas. Such is the power of Social Media. Ultimately the statue of Rhodes as a symbol of colonialism has fallen. Only we wonder if this truly meant the emancipation of the minds of those who still thought like colonial slaves; those who feel that everything white is deserving of the utmost respect and service. Those who believe that there exist only the White race and everything else relative to it.
The success of the #RhodesMustFall campaign could be blamed for what came soon after. I am referring to the #IamStellenbosch. I have never been more confused. I saw a bunch of loony looking young people holding up placards saying the most confused statement one could expect from University Students. I still have no idea what this campaign was trying to achieve with black students holding up placards you could swear a white person wrote for them and paid them to take a picture with. I cannot for the life of me imagine a situation in this decade, let alone in 2015 where a black child would refer to themselves in the negative as a non-thing, a non-white! As thought the goal was to be white and if you fail, you are a non-white, without identity as the only point of reference is white. such colonial mentality that obviously couldn't fall with the fall of Rhodes. This was a big blunder from the organizers who have shown just how out of touch they are with society. In this case Social Media worked in exposing the ineptness of (possibly) a white person trying to lead a social movement against discrimination, ending up demonstrating the continued existence of white privilege in South Africa
The next hashtag came to show every doubtful mind that this is the age of Social Media, the year of Students and the era of the Youth. This hashtag saw the country's leadership being pulled by the nose while institutions of higher learning went on a standstill. This was a call that resonated and still resonates with the whole world. It speaks of an issue that concerns all, young and old. This is the #FeesMustFall campaign which became a movement across the country and saw students from the UK and the US pledging their alliance and marching along in their respective countries.Students marched to the sits of South African Political Power as those in the country Marched to Parliament, Luthuli House and The Union Buildings in Cape Town, Johannesburg and Pretoria respectively, and the Supporters of the campaign from abroad marched to the SA Embassies in their countries.
This was a necessary outcry from Students over the unnecessary and discriminatory annual University fee increments. The cost of higher education especially University fees can be seen as a systematic method of keeping the life of the black person in the hands of the Oppressors, the colonialists who own the banks that offer us study loans. The situation is this simple, for as long as higher education cost this much, many of our people will remain restricted in the service of colonial interests. Social and individual development in the black communities will be a thing of mystery. Education is the key to mental emancipation, restricting black people's access to education is a means of keeping the black person oppressed. The is no other politically correct way of discriminating access except for financial excuse.
The unspoken truth is that majority of black people who either failed or dropped out of University had financial challenges. Majority of black kids in University either have a part time job, cannot afford the expensive textbooks, are struggling to cover rent for accommodation and/or feel the demand of the social environment is overwhelming without enough finances. Those who manage to make it through through a Study-loan from a Bank, for example have no reasons to celebrate yet. Firstly they will have to face a long period of unemployment while the interest in the loan are accumulating. This is a form of enslavement because for many years they will be working for the Bank owners who are previous slave owners who have creatively designed a way of keeping invisible chains on the whole black race. (This is done through home loans, car loans and personal loans and all other store accounts with exorbitant interests). On top of that there exist the "Black debt" (black tax to be discussed in a separate entry)
The call for the fall of University fees is one that every South African needs to support for the sake of the country itself. For the sake of the continued existence of the black race, for the sake of freedom. This is a step towards leveling the playing field in a country of vast inequalities and injustices. Free education means freedom to choose a profession or career; free education means freedom to think for yourself, it means mental emancipation. Free education means healthy living, it means less violent crimes and abuses; less frustration as a result of lack of understanding; it means more political involvement, more social involvement. More self understanding and more purposeful living. Free education represents an end to an inter-generational struggle of the black race. Free education means progress in a country where it was promised 21 years ago. Free Education means an opportunity for every black child to be all they can be, to unleash their full mental potential.
This is a call that every man women and child must heed to. When the revolution awakens again everyone must get up and join the hashtag. Fees Must Fall to the ground and be a thing of the past like Apartheid. In 1976 the struggle was against the use of language to deny black people an opportunity for an education, this time the struggle is against the use of Fees to deny the black child an education. We have been quiet for too long because we some how believed it is the way it has to be or that we didn't have the power to make a difference. Now we know this is not how it has to be as other Countries have scrapped University fees (German for example) and South Africa has scrapped Basic education fees, why stop there? If we thought we did not have the power to force the government, the students of 2015 have shown us that the energy and intelligence of the Youth is not to be taken for granted. We have seen the effectiveness of the Social medias and the usefulness of the hashtags as a tool for Social Change. We now know what power we hold in our hands, let us now come together and use it.
#Equality is Just and #Justice is Equal. #Freedom is a Right and yet #Rights are not Free. Freedom is Right!
#Education is the highest form of Freedom. Our Rights allow for Education to be Freely accessible. That is Justice! Is our Freedom not Free? Are our Rights wrong? Is the promise for Justice Unjust? Are we more Equal in our inequality?
#Freedom will Reign. #Justice must prevail. #Equality shall be realised. #Education will be Free!!!
#Freedom will Reign. #Justice must prevail. #Equality shall be realised. #Education will be Free!!!
*In referring to Education I focus only on Higher Education as Basic Education is free in South Africa and the bar on that has been lowered so much that the value is equal to what is paid
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