With this glass of red wine in my hand I start thinking... maybe it is true that every loss is a gain and that energy can not be destroyed. I always think about my sister and have always done even before she past on. It is the first time some one I have been so close to died, the first time my own personal person becomes no more, the first time I lose the only person I could speak about everything, and I mean absolutely everything with leaves me for good. This is still surreal to me but in the middle of thinking about all that I think to my self, maybe God decided I needed a personal angel, someone up there to look down and help me maneuver through this beautiful maze called life.
I don't believe in ghosts and would probably sh*t my pants if I ever see one, but I often wish the ghost of my sister can somehow appear and tell me how i'm doing so far; tell me how hard it was to leave me because I know it's been tough no longer having her to talk to about...everything.
I often find comfort in the fact that she knew how much I loved her, I can even guarantee she never doubted it for a second...even when we used to fight growing up...that's why she could even push and curse me to express her anger even though I have always been bigger and older.. she never worried I could ever harm her. She has always been my better half, the Ying to my Yang, my perfect match, the one person who truly understood me and whom I truly understood. My peace, my friend, my love, my sister, my blood, my true north! My sun, my shine. Every moment with her has been a blessing to my life. The only person that could make me feel rich even at a time when I had no cent to my name and baby-mama-trouble (code word for inability to provide for my baby).
I miss my lovely sister dearly, and the sad fact is I cannot get this close to any of my living sisters since this bond we had was from day-one! Now however, she has elevated to the next level where instead of looking up to me, she now looks down to me ensuring that I'm on the right path to my dreams and goals. I have a personal Angel up there and I know it! This life doesn't frighten me no more!
To my dearest sister Danisile Beatrice Bhila, I will always love you.
To all you who have lost loved one's, we have Angels in the sky looking out for us by always looking down at us; so as you walk through the valley of the shadow where death is....remember that God has a few billion kids, that loved one had only you and a few others...so they are constantly keeping a close eye on you.. so be good!!!!! That Energy still lives, I can feel it every time.
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