Fear of the Unknown or Fear of Difference?

Some differences are just not that scary to people. For instance men and women are different in many ways but they can get along with mutual understanding. Using their differences to satisfy the respective needs of one another. Of course there are still men who are afraid of women and women who are scared of men. Thats okay cause sooner or later they get over those fears with understanding of the other party or sex. So understanding cures fear... maybe that's why we studying...( well some of us, some of you study in ordeer to aquire a skill that could help you make money). So it could be said that we fear most what we do not understand. What is different is mostly what you are not and if you are not it then you are most likely not to understand it. It's alien to you, it's foreign, it is strange and senseless. Cause for wonder.

Whenever you come across something of this sort you are tempted to test it. Whether it's a different personality, attitude, sense of style or way of thinking someone will try to challenge it. They will always be someone to test the reselience of that "different" thing, person or style. They will want to test your confidence and faith in your choice of ways of doing things, ways of living life and ways of thinking. They test yours because they are not sure whether theirs is good enough. The presence of a difference creates doubt to the uncertain mind. You wonder if your way of doing things is the right or more effecient way of doing things.

Doubt can be the worst thing to happen to a man's mind. Once in doubt you start to fear, when afraid, you fail to think logically and once logical thinking goes out the window, chaos rushes in the front door. Sometimes doubt leads to discovering truths (like in the case of Descartes) and better ways to improve thy self. If sometimes you doubt your lover, you probably should, you doubt your friend, they ought to be doubted as long as you doubt with good reason. A doubting heart is a loving heart, a caring heart, and a concerned heart. An enquiring mind always doubts but a wise mind knows when not to doubt as sometimes to doubt is not good for the heart.

But if you doubt a stranger, you shouldn't. Why do you care? Just leave it alone. When your fear someone, figure out what is different about them that makes you tick. Sometimes you might think that you hate someone when you actually just afraid of them because they are not like everybody else. You are not like everybody else, you are also different and feared somewhere by others. You want to be undeerstood, why not understand other's as well.

Repressed Childhood Issues?

I think women are abusive. Worse than men in many ways. When a man abuses a woman it's mostly with obvious acts like physical abuse (which is really bad) and occassional shouting. I don't know what I'm talking about, but then I guess that for some guys, as for some girls maybe, the percieved abuses originates from repressed childhood issues. No, I am not a psychologist! I just feel like there is a bigger reason why I hate being reprimanded or shouted at by a woman besides hating to be shouted at in general. I can handle an older guy or man shouting at me and not feel bad about it. I can argue with a younger man and when he gets out of control and starts shouting I know how to put him back in his place with ease without my heart having to increase pace. But a women, whenever a woman shouts at me I freeze inside and in a few seconds I defrost like meat taken straight out of a freezer and dunked into boiling hot water. I sort of feel liquids making their way down my eyes and feel like screaming, or slapping her or even just punching her(which I would never do) and my tongue sorts of twists in my mouth. Then I become unable to speak the whole time while she goes on and on and on and on and on about how she feels, how I make her feel, how I am this or that BLAH! BLAH! BLAH!

I think I have some repressed childhood abuse issues. The thing is, in my life I have had more stepmothers than I do aunties. Difference is, the stepmothers came and went and they still come and go. I KNOW!! I don't know about the special cases but I believe that generally stepmothers don't care about the stepkids. Unless they are generally nice people and they happen to "just adore" kids. Even so though, if your mother is alive they most probably won't get along with her since she is "the ex" or "the other woman" or as in most cases "Thee lady of his heart" "the number one lady". If your mom is one of these and you stay with a stepmom at your father's, then you know your childhood is screwed!

A stepmom will shout at you like you are the most disgusting thing she has ever seen and whatever wrong thing you do your dad will find out about it for sure. If she is in to corporal punishment then you in some deep sh*t. My step mother use to undress me nude before beating me into pulp with a branch twig from a peach tree. Man! And sometimes it would be for something I didn't do. So as I saw it, with her and myself the policy was guilty until proven innocent not innocent until proven guilty. It was "if you fail to prove your innocence then you must be guilty". It's no wonder I grew up and studied philosophy (I should do law too I guess?). If you didn't wash your dish after eating last night, no dinner for you tonight; if you didn't bath by sunset, no dinner for you tonight. You brake your eating plate and you do not report that it is broken, you do not eat until it is found in pieces and you get punishment for that too, after the hunger punishment, which is normally a beating.

Maybe that could be a best way to train your kid to learn how to follow strict rules. Wash up and stay clean, wash your dishes when you finish eating etc.. That could have been nice if there wasn't another who was treated differently, another who was given special treatment, another whose plate would be searched and found and then washed if it was not with the rest in the carboard before dish-up time. Someone who would be reminded if her plate needs to be washed, someone who would be bathed if time comes and she is still un-washed.

Stepmothers who come with their own kids or who have their own kids will always treat their own kids better than someone elses and that is in the nature of humans, to protect their own and you are wrong for expecting more from them. Parents ought to know that, that when you leave your child to be taken care of by another parent who has his/her children, your child will always feel like they are not good enough, not loved enough, not important enough and always take second place or third or fourth depending on how many kids are there. The thing is, a woman or a man can take very good care of his/her friends child without abusing them or making them feel like a burden or a cause for alienation.

The thing with stepmother and step kids is that the relationship now becomes competetive in nature; the stepmother's child and the stepchild are competing for the father's affection and favour. When the father seems to be loving the stepchild a little more than her (stepmother) own, she interpretes it as though it means that the father loves or loved the kid mother more than he does her. Also, for others its the rival thing (woman!).

So, to find yourself in the middle of this tough situation puts you in a tougher situation later in life. Understanding the long-term effects of this you now have to decide whether you are going to let your own child go through the same thing you went through (both earlier and later in life) or are you going to spare your child that misery?
Truth be told I think that made me a stronger person or maybe it just revealed to me my strenghts at a young age (at the same time made me weaker towards women).

Now the question is "do I get married and have a happy family and vow to never leave my wife no matter how miserable she makes me" or "do I not get married, have my kids and raise them with my women and if we break-up I raise my kids by myself (I can raise kids!) or"do I not have kids at all and just have my revenge on women in this world and have fun at the same time"? There's a lot I could do, but it's all on my conscience whatever I do, I alone am responsible for what happens next. If I cry while a woman shouts at me at this age or punch her in the face, I am to blame, I can not go back in time and blame stepmother number 1 for that. I'm sure she has her own problems to deal with, the father hasn't stopped taking wifes, they are lining up and taking numbers. And so are the kids.

Sister's keeper?

So here's a thought, a guy with a little sister- well, a brother protects his sister from bullies at school and anywhere and everywhere in the neighbourhood right? Right!!

As a brother you wouldn't actually step in when your sister is involved in a conflict with other girls of her age because they are equals and it is just a "girl thing" (female affairs). If another guy, however, was to mess with your sister (younger or older) you would wanna interfere, you would wanna show the guy that no-one messes with your sister but you, no-one calls your sister names but you. And all that kind of issues you get into with your sister even if you and your sister fight and quarrel a lot you still won't care who is in the wrong- Your sister just by virtue of her being your sister her side is always the right side unless she is fighting with you.

You tell yourself that you will protect your sister from whatever harm may befall her. Physical and emotional. What then if she gets involved with some rascal, some little hoodlum who plays with her feelings and live her heart-broken and hurt? If the pact is that you protect your sister from all sorts of harm then what of this sort of harm? If a con-artist was to con your sister out of her cash no matter how much, you would wanna step in and demand your sisters money back, right? Right! But then if some smooth talker comes and sweeps her off her feet and then make a run with her "heart" so to speak what do you do then? Why can you not intervene in this matter as you would in the other cases?

You are your sister's keeper right? and this are some of the things that brothers with sisters have to think of. Sometime ago I had this friend whom I used to compete with on picking up chicks. We were pretty close for a long time. We'd compete with girls in our school, pick out all the hot one's and then say "these are the girls we go for and if you hadn't scored one of them by the end of the week then your game is whack". At times we'd even go for the same girl to see who will be the first to the finish line. Sometimes I'd win at other times he would. It was all fun until this one time my sister who was staying away from home came home for a visit. He saw her. She was hot, he thought. Messed up thing is, he mentioned it to me. Fine, I thought. Its always a good thing having a hot sister that your friends swoon over but never get to get with because she is tough. She is not an easy girl like all these girls that we're always targeting.

That's what I thought of my sister and I'd  sometimes warn her about that a*** that is my friend and tell her stories about the things we do together at school and around the neighbourhood. Of course feeling confident that I've dished out the dirt on my buddy I had no reason to fear them two getting together. Much to my surprise, that is exactly what I've been told by my sister a month after they met. They were already involved... a couple and it's been so for a month. A month? Right under my nose?? WTF!! I thought to myself. What now? I was furious with him more than her. I couldn't force her to break up with him cause I knew better. And the way she spoke about him made me feel like strangling her or just slapping her on  the face but no, we were close like that. She'd tell me everything and I told her everything. What was the difference this time?

The difference is that she is dating my player friend. The guy I did playing with if you know what I mean. The guy that made playing girls fun for me because he was the first guy to give me competition when it came to girls (he'd challenge me in Math too but he didn't stand a chance). The problem was either that my sister stole my friend from me or that my friend ditched me for my sister or that my sister is involved with a guy that I know for sure to be a player. Or maybe all four mentioned.

Maybe the problem was that the guy was my friend and as such if he were to play with my sister I wouldn't be able to discipline him like I normally would any other guy. This one would say " dude, you do the same to other people's sisters and who disciplines you?" That sort of a thing. I think that if your friend is to start dating your sister, it is the end of the friendship! Especially if you are close to your sister. The thing is, they will both want to share their stories of the happy things they do together and you will be the person they share those stories with, both of them. Worse of all, and this is inevitable, is when they fight. The one will want to come and complain about how the one is a dog and the other would wanna say how the other is a female breed of the same species (Bitch) and they will both come to you to complain. Normally when your friend complains about his girlfriend who behaves like a brat or the other B-word you know you do not have a choice but to take his side. Same goes with your sister. You take her side. What then do you do in a situation like this?

With  a situation like this in mind, I decided to stop being a player and treat other woman and girls in a way that I would like my sister to be treated by her boyfriend. For five years I was able to do that. Have just one girl at a time. I'm not saying it's easy! But, if you can't prevent the pain from harming your sis, how about you share it with her. Next time you decide to cheat on a girl, think of how your sister would feel if that were done to her. But then again if you have one of those sisters, one of those who do the playing, then you in luck! You are joined together is spreading the love-game!!

Thruth is, there are things you cannot protect your love one's from. No matter who you are and what you are capable of!

What's the Rush??

The world today seems to be moving too fast, things seem to be happening too quick and people are found and lost so speedily you may just wonder what everything is rushing to. You wake up in the morning in the middle of the city of Johannesburg and all you see is people rushing left and right that even if someone pushed you of the road they don't have the second to say "sorry" or "hardy bro". It is as if we are all competing for or rushing towards the same thing. We are so much in a hurry that we sometime forgert who we are and what the purpose of our lives are... if there is any.

If you could take time out and stop comparing your accomplishements with your friend's you may start appreciating your own virtues and worth. People are so silly in that they think that the best determiner of their own success or distance in life is how far ahead they are to others forgetting that we did not all start at the same starting point. You know the saying that others are born with a silver spoon in their mouths? Yes, that says a lot but aslo there are others who are born with gags in their mouths. Unable to speak for themselves in abusive households, moneyless house holds and all sorts of households. Some, from the moment they were born they had to take up fatherly responsibilities and for them it is an accomplishment that their little sister has made it to 21without a kid or that the little brother is still alive coming from the neighbourhood as such.

For others it is a great cause of pleasure that they made it to varsity without a child while for others having a child is a great blessing that they never thought possible. For others the child they have represents a great misery in their life that will remain forever a part of their lifes, a constant reminder of the pain once endured. For others again the child they borne represents the most pleasureable moments of their life. Others just don't care. So if you are to compare yourself with another based on what they have and you don't have, based on what they can do that you cannot do. take a second and think of what the things and people you have in your life mean to you. You could see a person driving a Beemer or a Mec and think that they are happy with their lives. You don't know that, thatr car could be representing the bounds that keep that person down. That car probably has a tracker put in by the hubby or wifey to restrict their movements.  That car could be a symbol of the oppression this person suffers everynight and day yin the hands of the parents, guardians, spouse or sibling. Of course it could also be a symbol of success as it is commonly assumed to be.

Any way my point is, life is not too short for everyone. Life can be very long, ask Madiba he knows. Patience is a virtue. As long as you remain true to yourself and not be destructed by the smoke screens on your face. These people that make you wanna drop-out of school and start working are smoke screens; The people looking flashy and posh making you want to change your course of study, they are the smoke screen. The chicks you hook up with every weekend when you drunk and the guys you drink with who have nothing better to do than get drunk at every chance they get, they are the smoke screen.

You get a grip of your life and hold it down where you want it, you will not need to hurry. Everything changes, but it is surprising how much in life stays the same over time. You can grow and change but still remain the same you they all know and love or hate. Fast is good, but slow is better.

Life is a race of course, a marathon not a sprint. Take your time, know thyself to love thyself. Its good for you. Not that I'm saying you should be lazy to be happy, NO!! If it hasn't arrived yet, it's still coming to you that's all I'm saying. Your life must be a bigger book slowly unfolding unlike your friends life which are handbooks, a quick read that is soon done with.

Be patient.

Lies and quotes!!

It is not that much of a deal if you always lie so save your skin as long as you do not end up lying to yourself.

Lies are the true marker of intelligence as long as they remain logical and almost truthful while remaining believable and causing little doubt; and another thing, they should not come back to bite you!

Lies... it's all in the detail!

It is easier and always advisable to lie to someone you know better than lying to someone who knows YOU better!

Lie for good, then you are a good liar. Lie to harm, then you are a bad liar.

What makes a good liar is knowing when to lie and when not to.

The Truth is subjective, but lies are not!!

Lies...  they keep the world in order.

Lies provide the most comfort as long as we remain oblivious to the truth.

The only thing that makes a lie is the presence of truth

Without truth there would be no lies.

Life is one BIG lie... Yes, yours too!

Lies nourish lives. They keep people together, especially couples.

Keep up a good lie, it stimulates the brain!!

Lies are stimulating for people who know the truth!

Catch a lie when you do not know the truth, then you are smart. Prove a lie without all the details of the truth, then you are intelligent. Entertain a lie you are aware of and pretend it is the truth until you get the liar confused of what's what, then you are a genius!

Lie to me... Though it wont do you any good!!

A true liar is someone who lies with the truth.

Lie with your mouth then you'll be spotted, lie with your eyes and body then you can get away with it. Lie with your whole being then you are a BIG LIAR! Getting caught will devastate you.

Cause for wonder??

But seriously now, what do you think goes on in a mind of a person with dreadlocks hiding them with a weave?

Of course there are many reasons why people grow dreads and/or put on weaves. Some will tell you that dreads are easier to maintain as compared to actual relaxed hair; others will tell you they cannot grow hair on their heads but dreads grow easier. One reason that has always fascinated me so much so that I started appreciating the African-ness of a woman with dreadlocks is the desire to remain original; true to yourself and not "fake" or buy beauty. Now, with that in mind, with the belief that a person with dreads is sort of making a statement; an identity statement that states that "I am a true African woman and my hair does define who I am and what I believe in. I will not succumb to social pressure and stereotypes that say that a woman's hair should be such and such. I am what I am". If the next day you see a you assumed was making that statement and you had your assumptions confirmed by that very person after confronting them, and the next day or week for that matter you spot that very person wearing a WEAVE on their heads covering the dreads, what are you to think?

T.B.C...

`Psycho-Fan??

So lately I've been wondering why this women (or girl is more suitable?) acts like she hates me. Previously the only experience I've had with women or girls hating me was when they had a crush on me which I could not encourage in my behaviour towards them or even if they would tell me about it and I'd reject them. Well, for those, I think it is reasonable that they should hate me. I mean I would also somehow hate a girl if I were to pour my heart out to her and she'd just reject my proposal coldly without even asking for some time to consider it (I know there is nothing to consider in cases like these by the way).

With this particular girl though, it is different. At some point we pretended to be friends acting all close, and friendlish for some time but whenever she'd find out that I have or had some "play-sessions" with some other girl we work with, she'd go to the girl, start sort of be-friending her and then think of something mean or just bad to say about me (well the girls would report back to me). Funny thing is, she has always had something bad to say about me but when it is just me and her she'd try and be all nice and wanna "high-five" me every once in a while.

The thing is I don't hate this girl, I just find her funny. Lately what she does is to pretend that she like everyone that gets closer to me (both guys and girls) and the girls she turn against me. If she sees a girl we work with paying some attention to me she gets closer to her and then the next day that very same girl cannot even look at me without showing a disgusted face. With the guys she flirts with them and interfere in our conversations and when I shut her up she calls me names and tell everyone that I think I'm better than everyone and that I disgust her. She always say this with a digusted expression, but the next morning I am the first person she greets with a smile and she'd make some silly comments about how I look- which I used to smile to but I don't anymore- she'd try to do her flirty-dirty-faces which I no longer respond to and afterwards she finds a reason to talk to me in front of others and say stupid things which could be interpreted as mean by many a sensitive soul. I try to ignore her but it is proving futile. She is crazy. I think she has father issues.

I think I represent an abusive member of her family that she loves to hate. She loves, I mean LOVES having a say in everything I say whether it involves her or not. She actually LOVES my attention, whenever she is at the office I have to know. She will either say something bad about me loud enough for me to hear it or she will just pass by me and give me an ugly look. She's beautiful though. Sometimes I wonder if it is because I never seriously persued her for girlfriend typer-thing.

 But hey, I'm only writting this because I don't know what to do. I Don't know what is wrong with her, I don't know how to behave around her (previously she used to complain that I'm rude to her- I generally tend to be rude to girls who think they are hot and want special treatment). I cannot be nice to her anymore (I tried it before..excrutiating!). I cannot be rude to her anymore because when I do act rude she complains out loud to everyone and says that she was trying to be friends and I am just mean and I suck. I cannot be indifferent either because she doesn't allow me. She is always up in my face that I have to react. Man!!

This is a cry for help. I'm confused. All I can say is, some girls are crazy.

Giving and Taking Directions

Have you realised how difficult it is to give directions, especially to someone who is not really familiar to the area you are directing them to-forget the destination, but to get to the destination you need to at least understand the path that leads to it. You need to be able to understand what the "director" means when she says, "take a right after the Mandela Bridge after Newtown". You need to sort of 'see' the Mandela Bridge in your mind to understand where the right will take you. Nonetheless, if you do not understand while you are being directed or told, you will see it when you get there.

This to me is sort of like the lessons we get in life. These are sort of like directions meant to help us navigate through life with ease. When you are told by your father, mother, big brother or big sister which corner not to take or what type of people not to hang with or listen to you must of course listen. But that ought not be the directions you follow your whole life through. Discover your own paths, find new routes for your own self. The thing is, those people who are giving you directions had or have their own destinations. They have their own life plans. They are leading their own life's. All you need to take from them are guidelines. Guideline!! Important to understand the meaning of this word and learn to separate between guidelines, rules and directions. Suggestions and advices. Ideas, facts and opinions.

Guidelines, suggestions, advices, ideas, facts and opinions are all meant to simply help you make your own decisions. No one can ever decide for You what is good and right for You. This is one thing only You can know (if it is at all knowable).

So, much like the person in need of directions, a person in need of advice is in a journey. The difference is, however that the person asking for directions is in a hurry to get to a destination when in life we cannot be focusing on destinations. We still have to discover enough paths that lead to the same destination (I'm not going to say death is the ultimate destination here!).

Point of this post then will be; let's get around a lot, let's get lost a couple of times more, find a path you feel most comfortable in and continue walking until you are tired of the comfort and change to a less comfortable path which will also in time become comfortable and boring.

If this is your life, I gues it is only logical that we expect that the mistakes you make be only your own. Don't make your father's mistakes; Don't walk on the footprints of the greats, leave your own footprints, they'll  have the shape of your feet. That will be lovely. Next time you direct someone you will tell them to look for Your footprints, you will know what you are talking about. And next time some one tells you to take a turn at the Mandela Bridge you will know where the bridge is and you will say to yourself, "Nuh, this will not take me to where I wanna get to".

Live and Let Live!

How it is.

Everything is hanging by a thread, a rotten thread. One mistake at any moment could be your last mistake. In friendship, at work in school, in a relationship or even in life. Take chances, but leave room for more chances to take tomorrow. Live dangerously, but not too dangerous that you will not be able to do anything dangerous tomorrow. Make fun out of life, but not so much so that others think you are sucking the fun out of them. Do it all, but not all in one day. Life is short, but it's not that short, there is still tomorrow. Live everyday as if it were your last, but always be hopeful for tomorrow. Plan, but do not over plan. It's not like you know what tomorrow will turn out to be.

Remember to SMILE, it will make you feel better. I can assure you that much.